Monday, October 24, 2011

It Just Is

Hello Beautiful

Tonight is a melancholy night.  Not in a depressive state but in a pensive manner.  There is nothing wrong or sad or broken.  It just is.  I live alone.  Usually spending evenings practicing my music and dreaming of new things to create.   Some nights I go to church and meet new people.  Other nights I watch TV and make dinner for one.  It just is.

I often think and dream of my future wife.  Making dinner together and fighting for the remote.  I wonder what she will be like.  Her smile and sense of fashion.  Will she like photography or be a good singer?  I am quite lonely without her.  It is just life.

I am studying for a big test I have in a few weeks.  It is one of the last major tests I have to take in my career.  I failed it last time.  It just happens.  I hate reading, making studying even harder.  It also makes reading the Bible really hard.  Not that I do not want to spend time with God, it just is.

I have been having some health problems.  Some short term, some long term.  I unfortunately have no choice but to take a lot of medication right now, despite all my research for alternative methods.  Everyday I feel it wearing on my system.  Like grains of sand eroding the paint on a beach house.  Some things are unavoidable, they just are.Like my workload at the office.  I am designing a building, writing a book, heading up a committee, conducting software research on multiple programs, and preparing for a major presentation.  It just has to get done.

It is life.  People often ask me how I can live alone or how I juggle all my projects.  My family asks if I am looking for a girlfriend or if I am eating well.  My friends ask me if I am watching a certain TV show or how I am feeling today.  Usually I answer people quite honestly.  Because life just is.  There is no sense in hiding behind facades because there is nothing to hide.  There are moments that we savor.  Memories we call them.  But life is more than just a string of highlights.  It is also the plain hours like tonight.  Nights where I do nothing special but still believe that my life is full of beauty.

You are beautiful.

1 comment:

  1. Aj- I am so surprised that there are not more comments on this blog because I find it to be one of the most honest and well-written blogs I have read. I think you are a beautiful writer and I am able to relate to a lot of what you write here, so thank you for sharing your personal thoughts like this. So don't stop writing please, I love this blog! And hey, as far as future wife goes well... don't feel too down because our 40 yr rule is still on I hope you know... ;)